


What it Most Definitely Wasn't

by Talliara



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-09
Updated: 2011-04-09
Packaged: 2017-10-17 19:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talliara/pseuds/Talliara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Am I dreamin'?" In which we all embrace the concept of "willing suspension of disbelief" and Feferi falls for a less-douchey hipster douche.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What it Most Definitely Wasn't

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this when I first got into homestuck, a while before this pairing got jossed. Hard. Was pretty happy with it, too. I figure there’s no sense in letting it rot on my hard drive. The longer it sits there, the dirtier I feel for writing it. I feel as though I should confess: forgive me canon, for I have sinned. Oh well. At least it's worth a good laugh.

“Am I dreamin’?” Eridan mumbled aloud as Feferi retracted from the kiss she had initiated. This was sort of different from how his dreams usually went, in that he wasn’t the one initiating sloppy make-outs. Still, he was none the less pleasantly surprised.

His ex-moirail giggled lightly, reaching over to brush a stray lock of black back behind one of his horns. “No, silly.” she replied with a short huff and a playful roll of her eyes. Her cheeks flushed a striking magenta as she fixed him with a coy smile. “You can kiss me back, you know. It’s totally ok.”

The aquarius blinked and struggled to overcome his shell-shock. “-Of course, it’s not- it’s not like I don’t wwant to or anythin’, it’s just I wwasn’t- expectin’, uh, that. Wwhen you told me you had somethin’ serious to talk to me about I wwas… ok wwell that wwasn’t in any of my predictions.”

Feferi’s smile dimmed uncertainly. “Was I, um… too forward? I’m sorry, I just thought- well, I didn’t think you would mind-“

“No! No, I don’t mind! No, Fef, that was amazin’, really! You caught me by surprise, is all!” Eridan scrambled to rectify the misunderstanding, clasping the heir-apparent gently around her wrists and bringing them together in his palms. “I just thought, after… ewerythin’, you wwouldn’t consider me as anythin’ more than a friend again. And I guess I didn’t blame you ‘cause I knoww I fucked up bad- so, I guess wwhat I mean is, uh…”

“Is… what?” Her head tilted to the side, just so, likely an unintended gesture. A frown tugged at the corners of her lips. Eridan felt like kicking himself for making that frown appear. He squeezed her wrists reassuringly.

“I know your breakup wwith Sol was kinda rough on you, and I wwanna make sure that… this is wwhat you really wwant, and not…. not…” Eridan averted his eyes nervously. He couldn’t believe he was saying this. This was the biggest- no, the _only_ stroke of luck he’d ever had, and he was possibly about to throw it all away. But, he reasoned with himself, it was a necessity, for both of their well-being.

Feferi’s eyes narrowed slightly, brow furrowing. “You think I’m using you to get at Sollux?”

“No!” Eridan quickly amended, all though a part of him - a very small part of him, couldn’t help but feel just slightly suspicious of his good fortune. And if that had been the case, he wasn’t sure if he could have cared, anyhow- for however long it lasted, he’d have been perfectly happy with being used. “That’s not it. I’m sayin’, I think it’s still too soon to be makin’ new relationships when your feelin’s are still all tangled up. You could be confusin’ yourself and… doin’ somethin’ you’re not really sure about… “

Feferi was silent for a long moment. Maybe it meant she was thinking it over. Eridan wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. Any moment now, she’d come to the realization that he was right; all of this rash propositionin’ was just a result of tryin’ to fill the emptiness left behind by her former matesprit’s departure.

“You think my feelings are… misplaced.” Feferi said slowly, and broke into a huge, heart-breakingly sad smile. Eridan swallowed. Oh, now he’d done it. He’d ruined any future chances with Feferi he’d might have had.

“I- I don’t mean to insult your judgement or anythin’, Fef, beliewe me. But, I’m pretty much the emperor of misplaced feelin’s and… I knoww wwhat it’s like to be in your position and I’ve made a lot of mistakes because of it and I’m not sayin’ you’re as pathetic as I am or anythin’-” Somewhere along the line, he’d released Feferi’s hands and begun to wring his scarf in nervous habit. A delicate finger pressed to his lips and cut him short. Eridan obediently shut up.

“No, I think I know what you mean. It’s ok. I understand. I didn’t mean to seem… accusing. I was just thinking…” She drifted off, nibbling her lower lip and looking unsure of whether she meant to continue or not. Eridan, though somewhat relieved, waited with more patience than he felt at the moment. He didn’t know what she was about to say, but had an inkling. He didn’t need Karkat around to tell him he was being pitied. That was a good thing, though, being pitied- right? It wasn’t just friendship, and it wasn’t hate, and hate was not what he wanted with Feferi at all.

“Wwere thinkin’…?” He coaxed at last,

“That it’s kind of sad that you’d be so uncertain of your own… romantic worth,” She finished, which was sort of another way of saying ‘that you’re so used to rejection that you’d second guess even a direct romantic confession’ but putting it a lot more nicely and making it sound a little less pathetic. If Feferi’s finger hadn’t still been poised on his lips, he might have commented on it, but as it was, he was still being bidden to silence.

“But I can understand why you’d be wary with me. I did break up with you once before, and I did tell you I never thought we could be more than friends… but ever since then, I’ve been watching you. And there were a few… hiccups, at first, but you’ve really mellowed out, Eridan. I think you’ve changed for the better. I think you’re…. being _true_ to yourself, for the first time since I met you. You seem happier. I can’t remember the last time you mentioned your silly campaign against the land-dwellers! You have a new focus now- I don’t know what it is- but it suits you a lot better than what you thought was your purpose before.”

Feferi moved her finger and leaned forward with a tentative smile. “This is the Eridan I’ve been trying to coax out of his shell for a long time.”

Eridan mulled over her words thoughtfully. “You think I’m that different?”

“You’re not all that different, just more… self-aware. You’re not concerned with trying to be something your not. You’re not Dualscar the Orphaner or Troll Julius Caesar, you’re Eridan Ampora. And you seem content with being who you are.” She explained, gently taking his hands in hers and freeing his rumpled scarf from his slackened fingers before he could fray it.

He hadn’t really though about it, to tell the truth. Any fantasies of conquest or land-dweller genocide now days were kind of unfulfillable now that there were only twelve trolls left in existence. Initially he might have had his reservations about some of them, but he could honestly say he didn’t feel particularly homicidal towards any of the other twelve. He even regarded them (though some very loosely) as friends.  
And, it wasn’t to say that he hadn’t been pretty formidable before, but through Sgrub he’d truly succeeded in making himself into a force to be reckoned with. He was pretty satisfied with where he was on the echeladder, knowing he’d only ever be topped by Vriska- and hell, that was Vriska, she’d all ready made it clear she wasn’t interested in pursuing a kismesisship with him, be they equals in power or not. Plus, with white science on his side, there wasn’t anything he couldn’t do.

But mostly, he figured, it was losing Feferi as his moirail that forced him to step back and modify his behavior. Once he’d gotten past his initial desperation, anyhow. One too many failures at wooing his fellow trolls had coerced him into using his powers of reason when it came to forging relationships. Being whacked over the head with a sickle a few times helped, too.

“Noww that I think about it… ok wwell I’m not sure about all of that but I’ll take your wword for it, anyway. I think you’re right about the last thing, though. It’s a lot less stressful not tryin’ to properly orchestrate the destruction of all land dwellers. I can liwe wwithout bein’ Eridan Ampora, Scourge of Land.” Eridan admitted.

Feferi smiled in response. “Good. I don’t think he’d be a very popular guy, anyhow!” After a moment she pulled away, brushing some of her hair back behind her fins in what Eridan recognized as a nervous gesture. “Eridan… I understand you think I’m being hasty about this, and I can’t really blame you! But I want to impress upon you that when I say I’d like to be your matesprit, I really, really mean it! Or, at least, I’d like to give it a chance, if you’d be willing.”

“I…” Eridan hesitated. “It’s hypocritical of me to ask this, since I… I newer really got ower you, Fef, ewen if I guess I hid it after a wwhile, but do you really think you put Sollux behind you? Or, wwell, behind you as your matesprit, specifically? Are you thinkin’ of swwitchin quadrants?”

Feferi shook her head with a slight smile that struck Eridan as a little rueful. “I’ll admit, I’ve thought of that. But part of the reason we broke up… well, it’s not really my place to say! The only quadrant I’d want to switch to would be as moirails, and I’m not entirely sure the two of us are… moirail material! Besides that, Sollux has his own moirail.” She explained.

“About fuckin’ time.” Eridan grumbled lowly. Feferi gave him a warning look, both otherwise chose to ignore his commentary.

She tented her fingers and looked uncertainly down at her claws- each one shapely and manicured. They made a gentle tic-tic-tic sound when she tapped them against one another. “Sollux and I reluctantly made a mutual agreement to terminate our relationship. I’d just started to notice some… things, and we’d both started to notice it just wasn’t the same anymore. After some discussion, we decided that maybe this just meant that maybe we weren’t fated to be with one another, after all, and that we should… keep looking. Sollux said he would have liked to be my matesprit again if things didn’t work out for him or me, but I just… I had a feeling that wouldn’t be the case.”

“You had a feelin’?” Eridan questioned, his intrigue sparked. “…Wwhat kinda feelin’?” He asked.

“It was…. a good feeling. It was… hope,” Feferi seemed to settle on after some deliberation. “Not just for me, but for Sollux, too. It was me who first suggested we break up. I’d noticed that he had been… struggling, with something, that he needed to settle with himself-“

“Wwhat else is neww.”

“-before he could try another concupiscent relationship,” She finished tentatively.

Eridan shrugged. “Wwell, isn’t that wwhat his moirail is for? It’s their job to deal wwith Captor’s rediculously deep-seated insecurities and personality flawws, not his matesprit’s. It doesn’t sound like they wwere doin’ their job properly. Unless- wwait.” Eridan’s eyes narrowed in realization. “Wwait, wwait. Unless his moirail _wwas_ the thing?” Having previous experience with such feelings, it wasn’t a difficult conclusion for Eridan to draw.

Feferi bit down lightly on her lower lip, averting her eyes. She looked slightly resigned to the fact that she would have to openly discuss her suspicions about Sollux, given their private nature. “Well….. well, yes.” She sighed.

“Sssssssoooo wwhat you’re sayin’ is, the mustardblood started crushin’ on his moirail, wwouldn’t come to terms with it because he wwas wwith you, and you confronted him about it?” Eridan raised an eyebrow. He only barely resisted the compulsion to smirk smugly at the yellow-blooded troll’s stubbornness- Sollux was a constant torment to himself.

Evidently, Feferi had chosen to ignore the particular moniker Eridan had used to describe her ex-matesprit. “He would never admit to feeling that way while we were still matesprits. Even now, I have a feeling it will take some time for him to muster up the courage to do something about them.” Feferi’s voice took on a more solemn tone. “I just realized that… I wasn’t making him as happy as he could be. And that I thought that maybe… I wasn’t as happy as I felt I should be with him, either. That maybe, I’d made a mistake. Maybe who I’d been looking for was right under my nose all along…” She gave Eridan a pointed look.

Oh. _Oh._ So it hadn’t just been Sollux who’d had misgivings. He hadn’t quite expected that. She’d mean’t it when she’d said that she’d been watching him. The aquarius felt his cheeks heat. It suddenly felt uncomfortably warm to be wearing his scarf. He tugged it a little looser around his neck. “Fef…” He began softly, a little awestruck at the admission. After a moment, he shook his head slowly. “You wweren’t wwrong. It wwasn’t a mistake. I wwasn’t any good for you. If you’d newer broken up wwith me, I probably newer wwould hawe changed.”

Feferi was quiet a moment as she contemplated this. “…I always knew you had the potential to change, Eridan. Just that, maybe it wasn’t me who could help you do it. In the end, maybe I did play a small part… but you did the rest on your own. I’m proud of you for that. That’s not something that most trolls can do. That’s why moirails exist.” Her tone wasn’t at all patronizing as she spoke. She stepped forward to invade her fellow sea-dwellers personal space bubble for the second time that day (though it was in no ways an unwelcome intrusion). Eridan’s blush only grew.

He belatedly realized that in the time they’d spent apart, he’d seemed to have undergone a little bit of a growth spurt- it wasn’t all that noticeable a difference, but Feferi now had to tilt her head just slightly to maintain eye contact with him. The closeness was making it hard to really… think.

“Eridan, I know I’ve hurt you. I was being a little too forthwright earlier about this whole thing. I’m sorry. I was just- guess I was a little too excited about re-establishing a relationship with you, and I just… didn’t really think about how you’d react! That was really ridiculous of me.” It was Feferi’s turn to blush. “I really do like you, Eridan. And I’ve only recently come to realize that my feelings for you are flushed. I’d like to try this again. Would you be willing to take me back? This time, as …your matesprit?”

Eridan didn’t reply right away. There were so many things he _wanted_ to say- ‘That wwould only make me the happiest sentient bein’ in the wwhole gog-forsaken uniwerse’, or one of the other increasingly sappy lines running through his head, none of which he was coherent enough to use anyhow.

Instead, he found his hands on her shoulders, impulsively returning the kiss he’d neglected earlier, what little distance between them that had remained closing in the interim. Feferi responded in kind, burying her hands in his scarf to tug him closer. It wasn’t anything passionate. It was short, and inexperienced, and a little awkward, but enjoyable none the less. It was simple reciprocation.

They didn’t break apart entirely, even when it was over. Eridan’s hands remained clasped on her shoulders even as he pulled back, his eyes boring into hers. He wore an expression of such theatrically intense solemnity, if Feferi hadn’t known him as well as she had, she might have been concerned. The effect was softened somewhat by his glasses, which lay humorously askew across the bridge of his nose, and the violet spread across his cheeks, but it was no less earnest.

“Hell. Fuckin’. Yes.”

The second kiss was considerably more heated than the first.


End file.
